Friday, August 28, 2015

A. Spokesman

News Corp

  • #She'sBaaaaack!
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“As we have said before, we have been having discussion with Rebekah Brooks and when we have any announcements to make we will let you know.”  (As you should have noticed, Rebekah never actually left Rupert's fold.  Even with such inevitable news, we time our announcements for our benefit, not the benefit of our competitors.)

Friday, August 28, 2015

A. Spokesman

Ashley Madison

  • #Noexperiencerequired!
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"Until the appointment of a new CEO, the company will be led by the existing senior management team."  (We are still trying to find a single qualified person who would be willing to take the job.)

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

A. Spokesman

Monsanto

  • #justamatteroftime
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"While Monsanto Company continues to believe a combination with Syngenta would have created tremendous value for shareowners of both companies and farmers, Syngenta has communicated that Monsanto’s enhanced proposal did not meet Syngenta’s financial expectations."  (We still want this deal. Their stock is going nowhere, and we'll be back.)